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February 25
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I can't stand this anymore,
Loosing all of my control.
I hate these feelings inside,
Feeling so utterly weak now.

My blood is burning up,
Storm of emotions inside.
I can't cope with this at all,
I will loose all of my control.

I am going crazy in my mind,
Everything is feeling wrong.
Just take my feelings away....

it is wrong to feel this way...

it's stupid and unacceptable...

I'm weak..

I'm bad...

it's dangerous...

I want to be saved....
It's so hard to be brave.
Burying and bottling up my emotions, lettering everyone affect me.
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:icondearangeltori:
DearAngelTori Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
I know the feeling. It's difficult to try dealing with your own troubles when it seems like there's no time to do it. I've been struggling with emotions as well so I know how you're feeling. At work I have to pretend like everything's ok when it's really not. When I get home I just am too exhausted to try figuring things out. I'm not sure if it'll work for you, but I've been writing a journal. It seems to help some. I also bury myself in Pinterest looking for DIY projects. Something about creating with my hands seems to channel the emotions better. I might break down crying while creating at times or get extremely frustrated but it helps to get those feelings out so I let it happen. Find an outlet. That's my advice. Also, don't expect anyone to save you. I've learned this the hard way waiting for so many years. I realized that people are too self absorbed to really be able to help anyone else. Sometimes it's because they have their own monsters they are fighting which is understandable. Then there's others that only want to help you to better off themselves which is extremely selfish. You should be the person that cares the most about whether or not you break free. You have to want to get better and then force yourself to make it better. It's not easy by any means. In fact, it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But I've decided I have to break free, that I can't live like this anymore. The only way I can be happy or satisfied is if I make the change. It all just starts with a wish; a wish to change. Make that wish into a desire and it'll push you towards making better decisions for yourself. It'll get you moving toward a better light. I'm on the path and I want to help others to understand that the only reason I'm here is because I wished to change how I am. As I'm going along I'm discovering myself. Accepting things I can live with and figuring out how to change what I don't like. I can't stress enough how difficult it is and how much I want to give up at times. But I know that no one else will care to the extent of getting me better unless its myself. I hope that what I said makes some sense and maybe will help you out a little. Be strong.
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:iconsakuyayoru:
SakuyaYoru Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Makes a lot of sense, you pretty much described me. Between my break up and working 50 hours a week, I haven't done anything for myself.
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:icondearangeltori:
DearAngelTori Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
I know what it feels like. I moved to a new state for a job. Didn't really know anyone here. I work all the time and when I'm not working I'm doing other grown up things like cleaning the apartment or shopping for necessities. I then do things that I like doing because I don't have time for them otherwise. Met a cool guy and we became friends then decided to try dating. The dating didn't work out. He said dating me was like dating a friend he could kiss. A couple days later he started dating someone else. That was after the 5 months we'd been together. So I'm back to having no one. Well now I got a cat so at least I'm not completely alone. He needs me to take care of him so I do that. It's still hard though since I don't have any friends to hang out with or anything. My social times are at work, usually talking about work, and online. Even if you feel like you don't have time for you you have to make time. Take care of yourself and try enjoying who you are. I know it sounds stupid but it has been helping me out a bit and I always scoffed at when people told me that.
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:iconsakuyayoru:
SakuyaYoru Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
When I do try, I get called a hermit. I don't really like going out. I hate crowds and rude people. If I can I try and invite friends over to hang out. It been almost a month since the last time we hung out. I always seen to fail at relationships, I don't try and look. I let it come to me, if a relationship happens, it happens.
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:icondearangeltori:
DearAngelTori Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
Yeah that's me. I don't really get out much at all. I work during the week and then take care of shopping and cleaning on the weekends. I throw exercise and crafting in there a bit too. Otherwise I stay at home. I don't have people here to hang out with since the majority of my friends are back where my parents live. I got into a relationship here that should never have been. We were just really good friends and had loads in common so we thought a relationship might work. It didn't though. And now I'm just waiting around. Pretty sure a relationship's not gonna fall in my lap but if it doesn't then it doesn't. Besides the fact that I've been told I make a better friend than girlfriend. So I know how it feels. Just know that even though you feel alone doesn't really mean you're alone. There's always someone out there that's going through something very similar.
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:iconsakuyayoru:
SakuyaYoru Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So far you seem pretty awesome with your head on straight. It seems your ex didn't know what he wanted. You are very sweet and kind, especial since you take your time to talk to me. I thank you. :bow:
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:icondearangeltori:
DearAngelTori Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014
The problem was my ex knew exactly what he wanted and I just didn't make the cut. Since I wish that no one had to feel like how I feel most of the time. So when someone is I can relate and I want so badly for them to not feel that way because I know it's the worst way to live. It's also nice to know sometimes that you're not the only one that knows how it feels. I forget that too often so I try to remind others that they aren't alone even though they may feel that way. Just the way I am.
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:iconsakuyayoru:
SakuyaYoru Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like you just the way you are. You are sweet, kind and, considerate. I hate feeling down but I tend to focus on others before I think of myself. I tend to think others are more important than myself a lot.
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(1 Reply)
:iconsioranth:
sioranth Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
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:iconsakuyayoru:
SakuyaYoru Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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